Desirable difficulties

Warning: profanity (idk why I feel the need to give you all a heads-up lol)

Have you ever felt like your life is extremely fucked up but you seem to enjoy it?

When a mentee of mine asked me how I did seem so composed and unaffected despite all the life problems that fucked me up altogether (am I being... gangbanged lol), I told him that it wasn't true at all. I am deeply affected, and it was actually painful for me despite the tremendous support from my closest ones. However painful it is, the emotions I have been feeling in these past 4 weeks were kind of strange in a surprisingly positive way. Yes, I was sad for a couple of hours. In fact, there was a time when I couldn't hold back my tears at all and just let them out, heavy although quietly, in the middle of a busy cafe attracting so many eyes. But then, I went to the gym for two hours straight and all the negative feelings disappeared into a thin air: it transformed into excitement instead.

Is it the gym? Or am I in denial?

But seriously, tho. When life has decided to fuck us up, fuck it harder. Gussy up, moan, scream; do whatever you like to make you satisfied in your effing session. Fucking is supposed to make us feel good right? Right??? (I genuinely don't know wkwk). So enjoy every thrust life has given you. And for me, at least I want to have big round glutes for life to fuck and smack lol.

Perhaps, the reason why I'm feeling both pumped and anxious is that this is the difficulty I have desired all along. A couple of days ago, I came across Bjork's theory of "Desirable Difficulties" while reading David Eipstein's book. Although the theory is used in an educational context which claims that students will have better and long-lasting learning performances when they encounter some difficulties that are desirable, I simply fell in love with the theory that I decided to use as my post title. I believe the difficulties that I've been experiencing are precisely what I need to give a great learning experience that is long-lasting. All my life, I've been leading a straight and easy path in life. How about a quick detour?

But yes, peeps. I think I'm currently at the lowest point of my life and that’s okay. However, when life fucked us up relentlessly that we left with practically nothing, we can't help but feel lonely ngga sih. But thank God at least I don't lose myself in the process. I'm extremely grateful for my family (my mum specifically) and a handful of best friends that have been on my side to offer support. Since I do not have the energy to reach out to old friends, these days I've been appreciating it even more when people reach out to me, asking how my life's going (however catastrophic it is). Thank you for remembering me :'

I'm confident that things will get better although not very soon, and I hope good things for you all too, whatever conditions you are currently in.

p.s. I'm thinking of solo travelling tbh. Pengen deh ke Meksiko gitu atau negara-negara amerika latin, atau Afrika. Seru gak sih??? Tapi apakah gue akan pulang dengan selamat, gatau sih jujur wkwk! Atau nyamperin Afira ya ke Korea