Grazie, 2018!

Yes, mille grazie for everything that happened in 2018. Surely many great things happened in that year. Mostly unexpected, good or bad. Yet, things I expected the most didn't... well it's just like any other year, isn't it?

But it wasn't. 2018 will be remembered by me as the year I feel the most human after a very long time. I finally let myself to be in pain, to be scared. After years of denying my feelings and building a wall around me so that I won't get attached with people, I finally tried to accept more people in my life. Tried to be more open--with so much effort--and show some soft side of me. It was not in romantic stuffs, but more in friendship, or a common relationship between a person to another. To be friends.

Earlier that year, I was known to be a loner. I'd rather be at home on weekend--or weekday lol--than going out with friends, refusing all the invitation to meet up. Not because I was conceited, but I was needing some times alone to recharge myself after doing some basic daily activities of interacting with people I'm not close to lol so introvert. But I guarantee you, I truly feel exhausted by the end of the day... everyday...

I ended up losing a great amount of friends. The schoolmates that I used to tell all my delusional stories of a person I fancy, they are all living the lives I don't even know unless they share it on Instagram lol. Even some didn't invite me to their weddings. Well I don't resent them at all, it was me that didn't even express how I miss them and not even contact them up until today.

The irony is, I used to write about them in this very blog before I decided to revert those posts as drafts a long time ago.

In 2018, I realised that I didn't want to lose friends anymore because life got so lonelier day by day. And I was also aware of the fact that it wasn't healthy to stuck at home most of the time. I needed to see the world, the reality. So by mid 2018, I proclaimed a program (lol!) to explore the city with my friends. Not a fancy program it was, but it helped me to maintain my relationship with my friends indeed. Well, it's not the destination that makes it important, but the stories and deep conversations exchanged during the trip, don't you think? By the end of the year, I was no longer a cocky couch potato my Mum used to think lol.

Eva and me, at our recent trip to Bangkok.

Of course, I'm looking forward to see what will happen in this year. Hopefully I will make some acquaintances and successfully maintain my relationship with all of them till a very long time ya hehe.